i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize