i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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