forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
