Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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