how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
