I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
