i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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