He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
