apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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