Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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