I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
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She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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