What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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