Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
