Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
