I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
