I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
