Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
