Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
