I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
