Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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