Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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