He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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