How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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