My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
