The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
