vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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