Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
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I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize