Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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