my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
