Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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