I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
