I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
