I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
