whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
