watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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