The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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