I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Someone came in the potted fern
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Randomize
