last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
