His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
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i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
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There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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