god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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