Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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