Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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