if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize