well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
