I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
