u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I am midnight drunk by noon
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
