I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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