WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
