Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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