I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize