one two three fourrrrnication!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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