I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
