wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
