Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
