Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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