i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
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no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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