Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
