okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize