o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
