i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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