I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
