Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
