She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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