no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
